Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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