I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
