I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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