When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
