I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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