Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
