people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
