i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
