My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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