in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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