How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
