My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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