her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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