so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
