I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
