I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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