Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
