he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
