Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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