no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
