hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit