I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away