eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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