You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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