Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
