i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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