i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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