Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
