lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
