I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
