I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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