Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
