I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
