i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
