Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
