Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
