He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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