I'm lost and stupid without you.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
