Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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