Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I've blown a few things in my day
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
