i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
