Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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