your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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