so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
