why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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