Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
