4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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