i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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