I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
