Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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