You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
