I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Green mimosas i think yes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
