Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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