at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
