so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
