I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize