one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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