if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
