he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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