My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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