I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
