I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
