If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
