He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
