yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize