I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
