just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
