Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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