I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
