Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
