Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
