I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
