haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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