i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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