Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
