I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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