i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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