That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
